How am I?

Small talk is no small thing. I won’t go into great detail, but I will say this:

Never go out with a girl who asks how you are twice in succession, viz

His Excellency President Robert Mugabe KCB: Well, hello there.

Girl: Hi. How are you?

His Excellency President Robert Mugabe KCB: Like a million Zimbabwean dollars (£3), baby. How about you?

Girl: Oh, fine. How are you?

Alarm bells ought to be going off in your head at this point. Or, if you run a police state, in your local constabulary. I mean, was she even listening? In the bad old days I would administer a beating, but I am a new man now. I have taken out my anger by instituting radical economic measures in the form of price controls. Ah, sweet release.

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