There has been a lot of idle speculation recently that there has been some sort of impropriety between my wife and my good friend Dr Gideon Gono, who is best known for his staggering success in managing the Zimbabwean dollar since I appointed him in 2003.
Let me state for the record that Grace, my much younger wife, would never have an affair with a married man. That time she bore two of my children while my first wife was dying of cancer does not count, of course. My charms are famously irresistible, so she is entirely blameless.
As for poor Dr Gono, it is not as if he has a reputation for going behind his wife’s back, apart from that time he supposedly jumped into bed with a former Miss Zimbabwe. What a scamp! Or rather, what a scamp he would be if such allegations were true.
What I can say for sure is that no one is going to die in mysterious circumstances over this. That would never happen. If there was someone called Peter Pamire who died in a car accident after supposedly sleeping with my wife, I haven’t heard of him.
So, enough of this tittle tattle. If my wife has become the village bike of Harare, then I’m not Knight Commander of the Order of the Bath.